How to Encourage a Loved One to Get a Dementia Evaluation—Even When They Resist

Watching someone you love struggle with memory changes, confusion, or personality shifts can be incredibly painful. But convincing them to get a dementia evaluation? That can feel nearly impossible. Many older adults are fearful, defensive, or simply unaware that anything is wrong. Resistance is common—and normal. In fact, many people with cognitive decline lack insight into their changes (a neurologically driven phenomenon called anosognosia). Their resistance isn’t stubbornness—it’s part of a brain change. Understanding this can help you stay patient, compassionate, and flexible.

Here are some strategies families can use to guide a reluctant loved one toward an evaluation without escalating conflict or damaging trust. Here’s how to approach it:

1. Start with Empathy, Not Arguments

Telling someone, “You need testing” or “You’re forgetting everything” will almost always trigger defensiveness. Instead:

• Acknowledge their feelings: “I know these changes are scary.”

• Validate their experience: “I’ve noticed some things too, and I just want to make sure we understand what’s causing them.”

• Convey partnership: “We’ll go together.”

Your tone matters more than your words. Calm, gentle, and collaborative goes much further than confrontation.

2. Reframe the Purpose of the Evaluation

Many older adults fear that a memory evaluation means being labeled, losing independence, or being “put somewhere.” Reframing can lower the emotional stakes:

• “It’s just a checkup for your brain, like a blood pressure test.” When the evaluation is presented as routine rather than ominous, resistance often decreases.

• “Memory problems can be caused by vitamin deficiencies, thyroid issues, stress, or medications. Let’s rule those out first.”

• “Getting answers early gives us more options, not fewer.” Let them know that, if dementia is detected, new medications work best when you start them earlier in the disease process.

• Tell them that they might be right! Maybe it's just normal aging. This can be their chance to prove you wrong. At the very least, it can be an opportunity to get answers.

3. Enlist a Trusted Messenger

Sometimes the message is better received from someone other than you. Consider involving:

• Their primary care physician

• A favorite family member

• A faith leader

• A long-time friend

A simple nudge from a respected figure—“Let’s get this checked out”—can make all the difference.

4. Go With Them

Fear of unfamiliar settings or medical conversations can make anyone hesitant. Offer support by:

• Driving them to the appointment

• Sitting in the waiting room or exam room

• Helping communicate symptoms to the provider

• Asking questions on their behalf

• Tell them you'll make a day of it! Go to their favorite restaurant later for dinner or enjoy a lunch together during the testing lunch break.

Knowing they won’t face the process alone can significantly reduce anxiety.

5. Focus on Their Goals, Not Your Fears

The real motivator is often what they care about—maintaining independence, driving safely, managing finances, or staying active.

Try connecting the evaluation to their personal priorities:

• “Getting this checked can help you stay independent longer.”

• “If we understand what’s causing the changes, we can treat it so you can keep doing what you love.”

6. Give Them Time—But Don’t Ignore Urgent Signs

Sometimes your loved one needs multiple conversations, patience, and reassurance. That’s okay. But if there are red flags—safety concerns, wandering, significant confusion, medication mismanagement—contact their doctor promptly.

Final Thoughts

Convincing a loved one to seek a dementia evaluation is rarely straightforward, but it is possible. Approach the conversation with empathy, patience, and clarity. Emphasize partnership, positivity, and the benefits of early answers—not the fear of what might be wrong.

No single strategy works for everyone, but in combination, these approaches can open the door to evaluation, earlier intervention, and a safer, more supported future.